Today it has been one year since my companion of eighteen years and ten months passed away on January 24, 2013 at 6:25 PM, crossing over the Rainbow Bridge into another universe. She was laid to rest the following day at 9:15 in the morning.
There were many intentions to write a memorial post since her passing, but I was just unable. The first two months I still felt her presence in the house and there were many countless moments I would suddenly look up and feel her enter a room.
She must have know it was her time, for she stopped eating two weeks before, only drinking water which she then stopped the last few days. During her last 6 days I only left her side once for a short time and upon my return she cried for me, for by now she was too weak to come to me at the front door as she has done all these years.
Those six days nothing mattered but her comfort and well being. I even looked into euthanasia but I could not bring myself to hastening the end nor in an environment that was clinical, cold and just foreign.
There were hours in which she was alert and even walked around, asking to go outside into the garden. On one sunny day she came over to a part of the garden she favored most to watch me preparing the ground. She stood next to my feet and looked down a deep hole, the grave I was preparing. I knelt beside Ms K and told her that this is her resting place and that I hoped she liked the spot I selected, for it was also the center of the garden and I would see it every time I would look out of the kitchen window.
The moment of death in my arms
During those last days that Ms K and I shared together, I took several hundred of photographs. Even now it is still very hard for me to even go back and edit them. A few I have kept on my iPhone and whenever I have a chance to talk about her, I share these precious photographs of her.
On a regular bases I head to her resting place in the garden and offer a cup of tea and a tangerine, then lighting two incense to purify the area.
Laying Ms K to rest
Her final resting place
Offerings for her spirit
It was now mid-summer and my daughter was coming home for good since she graduated from Santa Cruz University and would be bringing her feline companion Oliver. While he did bring some comfort and joy, Oliver was no lap cat and he did not like being held and I still yearned for Ms K.
Whenever I went to the pet shop to purchase supplies for Oliver, I would look at the cats that were up for adoption, for there was still that void of emptiness that needed to be filled.
I would hold one or two cats I liked, play with them in the stores enclosure and while it felt good holding a one close, I still felt it was not the right time. This cycle went on for another five months.
While I no longer feel her presence in the house or the garden, I venture often to her grave just to be with her, offering a prayer or just to talk with her. Reassuring her spirit that when another feline enters my life, I would not forget her.
On another trip to the pet store for supplies, I once more stopped off to see what precious cats were in need of adoption. Besides Hop along Cassidy there was also another adoption agency with plenty of dogs and felines in need of a home and while I held a number of cats I engaged with, non seemed too interested in me other than for a couple of minutes.
For me it is important that the feline chooses me as all my previous companions have adopted me by appearing at my front door. However this last November Saturday, the 17th, a seven month stray being cared for by Furever Home adoption people, he let it be known I would not be going home alone.
These passed nine weeks, my new companion has brought me great joy.
Note: In the coming weeks I will return to post once more as I am contemplating a new website dedicated to Sasha Alexander.